Teenager Stuff vs. Bipolar Stuff

"Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did." --Newt Gingrich

I saw this quote on the Facebook page of the Child/Adolescent Bipolar Foundation, and I think it is such a true statement when trying to raise a child who suffers with bipolar disorder...or a child, period!  I have been struggling this past week with multiple issues, but I think what I am fighting is more typical teenage stuff and not so much bipolar stuff.  It is interesting how similar some of the behaviors are.  The tantrums, the arguing, the know-it-all attitude...it is very hard to judge which monster you are dealing with.  So, how do I differentiate?  Well, I am not a professional in either field, but I would have to say that I know when Jason is just acting like a teenager because he is fully aware of what he is doing.  Every sarcastic remark is intentional and almost rehearsed.  When he is raging he is not always conscious of what is coming out of his mouth, he usually doesn't remember much, if any, of what happened, and he is extremely remorseful.

I have found a solution that, admittedly, I am not the best at remembering to implement myself.  I put myself in time-out.  If you have never dealt with a child who has bipolar disorder I can assure you that there are times when my frustration level is at the brink.  I have found myself almost going into a rage just allowing Jason's actions to overcome my good sense.  But if I put myself in time-out I am better able to defuse the situation.

Putting yourself in "time-out" involves separating yourself from a situation that is causing you to feel like you are steadily losing self-control, and giving yourself time to relax and refocus.  Not only does it have benefits for you, but it is an excellent way to model positive coping skills to your children, bipolar or not.  An excellent resource for the most effective way to give yourself a time out may be found here.  It is similar to a time out you would give a child, but with some differences.  It involves picking your time out spot, making sure your children know where you are going, setting a reasonable time limit, taking deep breaths, explaining to your children why you needed a time out, etc.  I encourage anyone reading this to at least look it over.

While I may never fully learn the best ways to respond to my teenager/bipolar son (whichever hat he is wearing in that moment) I am going to strive to follow my own advice more often.  If for no other reason, so that Jason will know that I love him too much to engage in a shouting match with him.  I don't want to hurt him, and I am the adult.  I know that words spoken in anger are regrettable.  I'm not saying it won't be hard work, but I can say that I am not tired of doing it, yet!